(At the park, age 32 or so)
Two days before Thanksgiving, my father passed away from cancer at the age of 60. It seems surreal to even type these words.
I’ve spent the past week trying to wrap my head around the whole situation, telling only a few close friends. I debated back and forth whether to write about it here. In the end, it seemed like the appropriate thing to do, given how big an influence he was on my life and career in cooking.
My dad taught me many things: how to walk, run, parallel park, adapt from culture to culture, make kick-ass scallion pancakes and even more kick-ass sushi. But maybe it was what he did day-to-day that made the most lasting impression. He made bold career choices dating back to the 1970s in China, taking baking and pastry classes in his spare time while working in a government-run factory, with dreams of opening his own bakery one day. Almost two decades later, he did just that. It lasted only two years, but he seemed to love the sense of freedom from running his own business, even for a short length of time. Although my dad’s first choice was probably that I became an engineer or something similarly stable, he inadvertently taught me to choose a career doing something I loved.
(Violin-playing, around age 15)
After my parents retired and moved back to China, he checked my blog regularly and never failed to comment on it every time we spoke on the phone. In late summer, after his prognosis took a turn for the worse, he called to give me a quick update but didn’t want to dwell on it. Instead, he wanted to talk about General Tso’s chicken. “You know that chicken you just posted? I’m getting hungry just looking at the photo. But what would be even better is if you toasted the sesame seeds before sprinkling them on top. Gives a great nutty aroma.”
In September, after undergoing a particularly painful surgery, he still managed to give my mom roses and chocolate for their 30th wedding anniversary.
(Dating, late 20s)
It feels very strange to write about him in the past tense. And at many moments it’s hard to even recognize he’s gone. I don’t know anyone else my age who has lost a parent. He was so excited when he heard about my book last year, and it’s heartbreaking to know that he won’t see it published next year.
But as they say, it’ll get easier over time. I was fortunate to be able to spend the last week with friends and relatives who never hesitated to lend an ear or offer a hug. And it helped to write this blog entry, a stepping stone on the road back to normalcy. At the very least, my dad would have been happy I posted photos of his younger days, when he was full of life and sported a great head of hair.
I’m so sorry Diana. I can only imagine the pain of losing a parent.
I’m so sorry, seems like you two got a great relationship and complicity.
I was taught by my dad how to cook too, but I just can’t imagine how it will hurt to lose him.
I hope you’ll get better in time.
I’m following your blog since a long time, I hope that you will continue the great work you did on this blog.
Hugs to you. I hope that you are giving yourself ample time to breathe and process and be…your father sounded like a wonderful person.
So sad to hear this, sending you and your family warm thoughts. What a dashing and brave man, baker, and father he was. Just reading this and thinking of everything you’ve done, as I do often, keeps me striving for the things I love, that are authentic and nothing less. Thanks D for sharing your dad’s story.
My condolences. I can’t even imagine what it must be like. My mother has fought with cancer since 25 years, and I can relate to what that terrible disease will do.
It sounds like your father had a spirit about him. I laughed when I read what he said about your General Tso’s chicken. You can tell by that anecdote that your father had a deep respect for what you are doing, and that he was very proud of your accomplishment.
Don’t worry, think on it like this – your father gets the free preview of the cookbook you are writing, because for sure it will be him smiling over your shoulder as you put the finishing touches on your masterpiece, and if you ever get a thought in your head about how something might be better, rest assured it will be his spirit in you, like he was whispering the advice in your ear.
I’m so sorry for your loss…I’m sure your father was so proud of you not only for what you have done with your passion for the culinary arts, but for who you are as a person. Prayers and thoughts to your family.
You were very brave to post this….Our sympathies are with you…Hugs …Keep up your great work….
I am so sorry for your loss. Several years ago, I lost my dad to cancer just short of his 60th birthday, too. I’m sure your dad was very proud of you. I try to honor my dad by living up to his values, and it sounds like you are inspired by your dad’s example, too.
I am very sorry for your loss. It hurts if a parent has to go. I lost both my parents to cancer… It takes a long time to get used to speak of them in the past tense. They say time will heal the wounds… but it takes a long time. But I am sure whatever you do your dad will be there with you; always in your heart!
Chili
I often make your recipes and never post comments-anywhere!-but I will make General Tso’s chicken…with toasted sesame seeds.
My condolences to you and your family. God be with you and carry you through this time.
Oh Diana, I am so sorry to read this. It is always hard to accept and understand when someone dies young like that. I wish you love and support as you navigate the next few months.
My mother died in 1998 and my dad in January of this year, so I can tell you that the pain does lessen with time. But in the meantime, you have to get through it.
xoxo
Diana, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Take care of yourself and your mom
What a wonderful tribute to your father. Thank you for sharing such warm memories. My very best to you and your family.
P.S. That was a *fabulous* head of hair that he had!
I am so sorry for your loss :’( Your dad is very inspiring and I am glad that he was able to realize his dream and open his bakery. He is surely very proud of you. All my thoughts are with you.
I’ve been a silent reader of your blog for quite some time and enjoyed reading your posts. This time, I decide to leave a comment. My condolences to you and your family. Let the loving memories of your dad to live within you and cherish everything that he taught you.
My deepest condolence.. my heart goes to you and family he left behind. A great Dad you’ve got there. May time heals the pain and the grief. May God bless you.
So sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful man, and looks like a lot of fun in those photos. I enjoyed reading your sweet tribute to him.
I am so sorry about the loss of your father, Diana. He’s the sort of father I have aspired to be with my two sons (they’re both older than you, and fathers themselves, and both are shaping up to be like your dad–I am so proud of them for that). Despite the loss you have so much to be thankful for, and it seems he kept his mental powers through to the end. That is a big, big thing.
I read your blog and enjoy it. I was sorry to read of your loss. I wanted to say that your blog entry today is a wonderful tribute to your father. I’m glad you have such good memories. Nan
I’m so sorry for your loss… I was diagnosed with metastatic stage 4 lung cancer in April. I worry about how my son and husband would feel if I go but God has been so kind and merciful to me that I’m still around. Since his diagnosis, your Dad must have been thinking about you and how you would take it if he were to go. I’m sure he must be so proud of you and grateful for the time spent with you. Please take comfort that the time is coming when God will wipe away every tear from our eyes and you will be reunited with your Dad in God’s Kingdom. Meanwhile, take heart, God will see you through, His mercy endures forever…
So sorry to hear of your loss. The photos of him and your family are lovely. I know you will cherish your wonderful memories of your father.
My condolences and sympathies for your loss. Your dad must have been so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I lost my Dad a few years ago–give yourself plenty of time to grieve. The pain doesn’t ever go away, but it will get easier.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while and had never posted before, but I wanted to say I feel really sorry to read this. I lost my father when I was 13, and although it was a different situation, I can imagine the pain you’re going through. It takes a long time to get used to the idea that they’re gone, but in the end, time will heal everything. My heart goes out to you.
With sympathy.
Thank you for being brave enough to share.
Your cooking enriches my life as your father did yours.
His memory will live on through you.
My sympathy.
My sincerest condolences for your loss. Thank you for sharing a part of your father with us here.
With sympathy.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your wonderful memories of your father.
So sorry for your loss! :( This was such a lovely article in his remembrance though, and the bit about the General Tso’s chicken definitely had me smiling.
Hi, I do not know you but the grief of losing a loved one is universal. What a lovely article! My heartfelt condolences to you! I’m sure the pain may not vanish completely over the years, but you will always cherish the memories of him.
I am so sorry to hear of his passing. Your father and his legacy are inspiring, and your writing about him is a great and much deserved honor. The stories and photos are quite moving, and I particularly like that you portray him in his youth. My best wishes to you and your family. We are always here if you need anything!
So sorry for your loss. Your words have drawn such a great image of your father.
You write with such authenticity weather it is about food, or the loss of your father. Thank you so much for that, and I am very sorry for your loss and hope you and your family have the support you need from our friends and relationships.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think when we’ve been blogging for so long, our personal lives bleed over to our posts about food. I think it was fitting and appropriate for you to write about your dad. My sympathies.
My condolences on your loss. At least you have the memory of him and his legacy to encourage you.
My deepest condolences to you and your family. You wrote about your father with such warmth and love. His love for you was very apparent too. He obviously was very proud of you too. God Bless you and your family.
I’m truly sorry to hear about your loss. You depicted a brave and loving man, and his memory will be a guide for you even if he’s no longer with you.
I came for the General Tso’s, but the title of this blog drew me in.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It will be 6 years this December (next week, actually) that my Dad has been gone and I am continually reminded how much I miss him. It does get easier, but little things will remind me of him and while I smile at most of them, the tears still come and I let them. There are no words to express losing a parent – especially a good one. (((HUGS)))
My deepest condolences Diana. I lost my father when i was 23 yrs old. I am now in my mid 40s but it was like just yesterday. Take care of your mother while she’s still around. Your father will be with you all always in spirit.
I am so, so sorry. I’m glad you’ve had people around you who love you, and who also loved him, to share memories with.
I’ve been reading your blog for just a couple of months now. I too was enthralled by your General Tso’s Chicken, and it made me smile to read your dad’s comments on toasting the sesame seeds. I’ll now have to update the recipe, in my collection.
I know, having lost parents, that he will continue to be with you always, in spirit. You will feel him, I’m sure, in the things you continue to do as years progress.
I’m glad he gave you to us. So, in a way, we share his spirit also.
Please accept my sincere condolences.
I was so moved by the loving tribute to your father…sounds like he was a wonderful man.
My condolences…and may his legacy continue to live on in you. :)
I’m very sorry to hear about your father. Thank you for sharing such an intimate story with us. The love of food that he instilled in you is something we all have benefited from via your blog. Everytime I make tea eggs now, I will be thinking of you and your family. Aloha.
My condolences on your loss.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.
I understand what you must be going through. I lost my Mother to cancer in August 2010. She was only 42. She married my father on August 12th and passed away 5 days later on the 17th. I was 20 and my sister was 15. I found it so difficult at the time, because none of my friends could relate. They still had both their parents and I almost hated them for it.
What I can say is this, and I didn’t believe it at the time; but, time heals. It doesn’t make it perfect again, but it gets easier with time. You start to remember all the happy memories and forget all the negatives ones. You carry on with the love that they gave you through all the years you knew them, which was so much love that it lasts from beyond the grave.
And, it may be a cliche, but I believe it’s true – a part of him is now in you. For he helped make you what you are today.
My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.
Craig Lewis
Wales, UK
I’m very sorry for your loss. These photographs are really beautiful.
Your writing reminds me to appreciate more what I still have.
Thank you.
So sorry for this Diana. Your dad sounds like such a cool guy. This is a lovely post and a great tribute to him.
so touched by this beautiful tribute to your father’s life – and wishing you comfort during what must be a very difficult time.
Condolences and Prayers :(
Diana, your memoir of your father was very touching and I loved his photos. He must have been quite a character! I hope that sharing this story will help you move from sorrow to comfortable happy memories as soon as possible. My sincere condolences.